I am increasingly convinced Chris and I shouldn’t be allowed to watch television without adult supervision, mainly because we are highly susceptible to infomercials.
You’d think with two of us sitting on the inescapable Jabba the Sectional, one of us would step up and be the voice of reason. But, not so much. Instead, infrared rays of boundless enthusiasm beam out of our television, and then proceed to create an infinite rainbow feedback loop of gullible optimism cycling back and forth between us.
[Aside: This is also why we owned a full set of encyclopedias. Well, that and because it was before internet access became ubiquitous, much less available in your pocket 24/7. You had to buy your own hard copy of Wikipedia in order to lose hours of your life soaking up page after page of random useless knowledge. Of course, you also got really good at Trivial Pursuit, but in the long run it wasn’t worth going into debt over.]
The kids did try to protect us by attempting to dominate every TV in the house 24/7 throughout Christmas break. Unfortunately, they had to sleep sometime. While they did, their dad and I discovered the WONDERS OF THE NUTRiBULLET PRO. (Please do not ask me why the “i” is the only thing lowercase. It just is, okay?)
After a mere twenty minutes of
brainwashing education, a shiny new 900 watt “nutrient extractor” was on its way to us. Happy New Year!
It arrived last night, left on our doorstep after dark because apparently the mail carrier was embarrassed to be seen with it. Our friend Daniel nearly tripped over it coming into the house to play Descent while we all consumed mass quantities of junk food. What can I say? We are a study in contradictions.
Anyway, after sleeping very late, we pulled the nutrient extractor (which looked suspiciously like a blender) out of the box. We perused the literature which accompanied it. We stuffed it full of salad greens, the random unspoiled fruit we could find, and water – as instructed. I volunteered to be the guinea pig.
Chris: “Is it good?”
It wasn’t bad, especially compared to THE UNSPEAKABLE HORROR THAT IS V8. And there was something familiar about the flavor, but I couldn’t quite place it at first.
I handed off most of the first NutriBlast to Chris. (Again, please do not ask me about the camel case. It is a typographical mystery.) He was in agreement that while it was not exactly on par with an eggnog shake, it was faster and vastly preferable to eating an actual salad, which he despises.
We visited the grocery to pick up some more leafy greens and fruits that were not of questionable freshness. I made a second NutriBlast for myself. Again – not awful, not amazing. And then it struck me – the familiar scent/flavor.
It tasted like liquid fresh-cut grass clippings.
Which is not all that bad. Fresh-cut grass is a pretty pleasant scent. I almost bought a “Lawn Ranger” man-candle for Chris, because everybody likes that smell. As a flavor, it’s … okay.
Infomercials aside, pretty much every nutritional resource agrees you need more fresh, leafy vegetables in your diet. They’re rich in vitamins and antioxidants, high in fiber, and – assuming the pesticides have been washed away – don’t contain stuff that’s actively trying to kill you.
You’re also supposed to drink a lot more water than I do. (Chris is better than me. His work demands hydration).
Past history has shown our track record for consuming fresh, leafy vegetables is … not great. But fresh, leafy greens liquified with some fruit and water is pretty palatable. So we’re going to give it a try.
What about you, reader friends? Do you find yourself sucked in by the siren song of infomercials? Do you get enough fresh veggies and water? Are you optimistically leaping into some new habits for the New Year?