Wherein a crazy person attempts to ask me out. Sort of. In the most bizarre way possible.

I have to share this story. Be forewarned. This is not a story with a moral, a point, or really any socially-redeeming qualities.

It’s just entertaining as heck.

So anyway. Last week, some colleagues and I pulled up to a family-style restaurant for lunch before a meeting. As we’re piling out of the car, I notice in the parking lot… a KISS car.

Yes. A car covered with images of the band KISS. Flames lickedup the trunk behind the logo. Black and white faces graced the sides, with the corresponding band member names above them. A KISS CAR. At Shoney’s.

Well, it just so happens that my friend Jeff, a UPS pilot, is also a huge KISS fan. Like “dresses up as Ace Frehley every year for Halloween” fan of the band. So I walked around the car to better describe it later to my friend. I had assumed it was a custom paint job. Wrong. It was an auto-wrap.

Right. Some guy paid a professional sign company to auto-wrap his car. With KISS. Okay.

So I walked into the restaurant, and went into the ladies room to throw away some trash from the car. As I’m coming out of the ladies room, I pass a guy and hear him say to me something along the lines of “Wow, you look really good!” With enthusiasm.

I was dressed nicely, if conservatively, in a black dress and short heels. And there really wasn’t anyone else in the hallway. So I turned my head to see if he was talking to me.

He was.

“I’d love to take you for a ride in my KISS car.”

*blink*

ME: “Um. No thanks. I’m good.”

HIM: “I saw you checking it out.”

ME: “Um… nope. I’m good. Thanks.” (Mentally: Must. get. away. from. crazy. KISS car guy!)

So I bolted for the table with my colleagues.

Okay, let’s break this down. First, who on earth goes trolling to pick up women at a Shoney’s? At lunch?

Second, “I’d love to give you a ride in my KISS car?” Really? Seriously? That’s your standard pickup line? Does that work often?

I swear, some days, it’s like I’m a magnet, and weird people and situations are iron filings.

(ETA: Thanks to my boss, @joemazing I have been able to add actual photos of the KISS car. And I only just now realized that “Love Gun” is also emblazoned on the hood, which sort of completes the story. You’re welcome.)

11 Comments


  1. ·

    i imagine him doing the upward head nod/jut thing dudes do when he says “i saw you checking it out.” this whole story sounds straight out of my diary. was it a KISS camaro? i’m thinking KISS PT Cruiser.

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  2. ·

    No pictures of the sweet KISS car?! I bet he’d let you sprawl on the hood like an 80’s hair metal video. *hehe*

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  3. ·

    great story. If nothing else his message was simple (K.I.S.S.) I did hear Shoney’s is where Eddie from Christmas Vacation is known to prowl. 🙂

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  4. Kat French
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    Elizabeth: To my shame, I cannot identify the car other than to say I think it was a small, sporty import of some sort. I come from an entire family of car geeks, any of whom I’m sure could have identified the car sans logos (other than, of course, the massive KISS logos). And your imagination serves you well in regards to the guy’s body language.

    Charles: Oh, trust me. If I’d had my camera phone handy, this post would be REPLETE with images. Unfortunately, I left my phone behind. Also, I need to remember to not read emails of blog comments while walking to lunch. I nearly fell off the sidewalk laughing at your homage to Whitesnake/Tawny Kitaen. Otherwise, today’s lunch trip was totally uneventful.

    David: Simple, yes. Appalling? Also yes. And I may never go back to Shoney’s again.

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  5. Kat French
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    And now, thanks to my boss, I have photographic evidence of the car’s existence.

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  7. Dave H
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    I believe that is a 2002 saturn coupe

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  8. Kat French
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    A Saturn? Seriously? Color me nonplussed.

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  9. ·

    Note to self – you can pick up guys at Shoneys. Not necessarily the cream of the crop but they will take you out in their KISS cars.

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  10. Jen
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    I totally saw this car at a McDonalds the other day while grabbing lunch with a coworker. Now I regret not taking a picture. I didn’t want to be caught by the owner and give him some sort of ego boost!!!

    Reply

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