This is sort of about the fact that I’ve given up coffee and caffiene.
Yes. I know. Break out the bomb shelters and flack jackets. “Coffee cup kat” is quitting Joe. The end must be nigh.
Mostly, though, this is a post about change.
I’ve been reading (and really enjoying) Havi Brooks’ blog, which is mostly about change, or in her words “destuckification.” Having gone through a really long process of destuckification myself in the last five or ten years or so, much of what she writes resonates with me.
Over the weekend, I went to a really lovely women’s retreat with my very cool church. The theme was “Big God, Strong Women, Tough World.” I’m going to be writing a blog post about it later today, so I won’t go into too great a level of detail here, but it was a very well-timed and overall awesome experience.
You might ask what all this has to do with coffee. More than you’d think.
I was reading Havi’s post about quitting smoking, and this stopped me cold:
“How good are you at taking breaks when you need them?”
Um, pretty much “I suck at taking breaks when I need them.”
How badly do I suck at taking breaks when I need them? So badly that I’ve nearly passed out while working on stuff because I wouldn’t stop to eat. So badly that I’ve caught myself, a fully grown adult who should know better, doing the pee-pee dance like my five-year-old because I refused to go to the bathroom.
Why do I drink coffee? Partly I like the aroma (which the taste never lives up to). Partly, I use it to camoflage my messed-up sleep cycle (which coffee helps perpetuate).
But mostly, I need a way to give myself permission to take a freaking break, and walking to the coffee pot for a refill provides that.
I wrote recently about the difference between “retreat” and “running away.” I got a true retreat last weekend, and one of the insights that came from it was that coffee was probably a bigger part of my identity than Christ. At the very least, the identity that others see and notice. Ouch.
There are some health-related reasons that giving up coffee was something I needed to do. For one thing, I have “tummy troubles” that are aggravated by coffee specifically. For another, I’ve always had trouble with insomnia, and caffeine does not exactly help that.
Also, if you’ve ever met me in person, you know that most of the time, I talk at about the pace of the squirrel on Hoodwinked! after they gave him the coffee. Perhaps weening off it might help my in-person communication skillz a bit.