1. ·

    GET. OUT. OF. MY. HEAD. Seriously. And I get you. You’re not unrelatable or difficult to follow in the least.

    I also don’t have an agenda. I just want to treat people kindly and receive the same. As a result I’m pretty up front and unvarnished. I say what I mean and ask for what I want or need. I expect other people to do the same and I never really put this together with the transactional nature of relationships. Now that I have — and especially considering how few people really are as transparent as they claim to be — I can see how some people might find it disconcerting.

    I disagree with your statement that playing the coy games is more compassionate, though. I think it’s an unnecessary pretense even if it is a social norm. You can be compassionate and not ply people with frilly platitudes. I would rather someone be honest with me than try to protect me from whatever hurt they might imagine.

  2. Kat French

    I am so totally using “ply people with frilly platitudes” at some point in the near future. Just letting you know up front my intent to plagiarize. 😉

    I am very much living in the tension of this now; the whole “plan, but hold plans loosely” thing is closely tied to this idea of agendalessness.

    If I had to sum it up, the problem is that I don’t think ahead.

    And further, the problem is “I don’t think ahead because the future scares me.”

    Also “I don’t think ahead because I feel ineffectual anyway.”

    Also, “I don’t think ahead because it makes me feel manipulative/creepy to be planning my moves out like a chess game, six moves in advance.”

    But I cannot continue to get my arse handed to me thanks to my failure to think ahead. So maybe agendas could start small, like “not getting anymore nastygrams from the lunch ladies for failing to send lunch money with the kiddos.”

    That counts, right?

    ETA: Also, I feel the need to point out that I have no problem whatsoever planning ahead in my work life. In fact, long term strategy is one of the things I do best. In my professional life, I have an almost eerie ability to see what’s coming down the pike.

    I can think ahead and contemplate YOUR future just fine. It’s just my own that freaks me out completely.


  3. ·

    I’m with you, on every single point. To me planning and agendas are different, but maybe I’m just splitting semantic hairs. I’m planning on doing, sharing, and creating joy this year. Maybe that’s my agenda, too. 🙂


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