We are living in the future. (But some things will always suck.)

So the other evening, we’re sitting at Pal’s Diner, because I couldn’t resist the advertised special: salmon patties. It turned out they were out of salmon patties by the time we got there, so I had to settle for a Slaw Burger, as a tribute to my unending admiration for the Kentucky Headhunters’ memorable hit “Dumas Walker.”

I looked across the table decoupaged, as all the tables in Pal’s Diner are, with cut-outs of movie stars. The walls are also covered floor to ceiling with album covers. One person’s “eclectic” is another person’s “sensory overload” I suppose.

So I ask Chris “Do you remember a movie from the 80s with that guy from ‘Two and a Half Men’ who isn’t Charlie Sheen?”

“That would be Jon Cryer.”

“Right. Jon Cryer. And he’s like, some businessman who is in some kind of witness protection plan. And he has a beard. But he shaves it and goes back to high school to hide from the bad guys, but they find him anyway?”

“Don’t really remember that one.”

“I don’t really remember it well, either, but there was some song in it and I remember really liking that song when I was a teenager.”

“What was the song?”

“Don’t remember that either.”

So we finish dinner, and head back to the house, and immediately I grab my smart phone and pop open the IMDB app and punch in “Jon Cryer” (the sole detail which Chris had so helpfully provided).  And I scroll back through every TV appearance and movie he’s been in (it was a lot) and finally find Hiding Out.  

How is it that Jon Cryer looks older with a beard in 1987 than he does without one NOW?

Which, in retrospect, was sort of an obvious title choice for a movie about a guy who was hiding out from gangsters.

Armed with the name of the movie, I hit the search button and began typing “hiding out soundtrack.” But I didn’t have to finish it, because autocomplete knew what I was looking for less than halfway through.

Found the song I was looking for in the search results, tapped the link and suddenly I was watching the music video for it, replete with scenes from the movie and some awesomely big 80s hair and synchronized dance moves performed in a high school cafeteria.

I looked at Chris, who was also laying across the bed enjoying the totally 80s moment on my phone.

“We really are living in the future.”


Which made me happy for a minute.

But thinking about how we’re living in the future makes me think about how we actually have almost all the cool technology from Star Trek. (Except the holodeck. But I’m pretty sure Steve Jobs and the android clone they’re going to put his brain into when he dies are working on it).  

Which always makes me think “Mom would be so freaking excited about this.”

Which makes me think “It sucks that she didn’t live to see this.”

Which makes me sad. Because even living in the future, some things will always suck.

"Nice phone, but you don't have my stylin' stainless earbud. And also, your mama's still dead, Beeyotch."


  1. ·

    I knew what the movie was, as well as the song, from the question you asked Chris. If you ever need to phone a friend for an 80’s movie trivia question, I’m your guy. 🙂

  2. Kat French

    Awesome! If I ever make it onto Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, I will be hitting you up via email for your number. 😛


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