The view from the other side.

img courtesy ColinBroug on sxc

This morning, my commute was interrupted by a man who was considering jumping off a bridge.

I would like to be able to say that I don’t understand that.

The truth is, I understand it all too well.

There is a point at which you have passed your own personal pain threshold, and the hits just keep on coming.

There is a point at which ending your life seems like a wild animal being willing to gnaw off its own leg to get out of an unforgiving, unbearably painful trap.

When someone or something intervenes, the knowledge that you considered it, tried it, danced around the edges of it–can haunt you.  It can be another thing your Adversary whispers in your ear as an accusation.  “Selfish!  Weak!  Coward!”

But something else can happen, too.

You can move on.

Get better.

Heal.

And when something happens to remind you of that time, your first thought isn’t how pathetic you were.

It’s how far you’ve come.

5 Comments


  1. ·

    Very powerful post, Kat. I’ve been in this same place myself. Fortunately I never got the point of actually harming myself, but it was a very real possibility for a while. People who haven’t been there can never understand it. If I knew what happened to help me move beyond the horrible pain I would gladly share. I haven’t the foggiest idea, though. For some reason, somehow, the world around me seems to have miraculously changed. Or maybe I did.
    .-= Charles Robinson´s last blog ..what if 2000 characters could change your life? =-.

    Reply
  2. Christopher
    ·

    A beautiful, gleaming city on a hill. A city with no need for walls. I love you! 🙂

    Reply
  3. Kat
    ·

    Charles – I think you’re right, in that it’s something you only understand from experience. Like you, I didn’t attempt suicide, but I stood right on the edge and had a LONG look around. FWIW, I would call what helped you move beyond the pain “grace”– which to me just means those times when something greater than me moves me from a bad place to a better one. Take that for what you will. 🙂

    Christopher: Thank you, sweetie. Love you right back. 🙂

    Reply

  4. ·

    I know what you mean, Kat. The hits, the pain, all of it makes us stronger. Well, that’s just my opinion. I’ve been there. On the edge, looking down and wondering how much more I can possibly take. But then I look around, remember the things that brought me great joy, the faces of the people who rely on me everyday and search my life, and find people like you, and I find strength in all of these things.
    Thanks for writing this. And sharing your life with all of us.

    Reply

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