Day 1-2 “Floral Tear Gas”
You smell the Little Tree before you open the car door. You experience nausea and dizzyness after roughly 10 seconds in the car. You are forced to keep the windows down, even if it’s 12 degrees outside.
Day 3-4 “French Brothel”
You can now breathe in your vehicle (sort of), but the scent clings to your clothing and hair for a minimum of two hours after you leave it. Your spouse begins asking probing questions about your whereabouts.
Day 5-6 “Old Person on Bus”
The scent is still uncomfortably strong, much like sitting next to an elderly person who has taken to dousing themselves in cologne in lieu of bathing, which he or she has deemed too hazardous.
Day 7 “Pleasant, Subtle Scent”
Enjoy this day. It’s what you were hoping for when you strung the evil little talisman up on your rearview mirror in the first place.
Day 8 “Iocaine Powder”
The Little Tree Car-Freshener is now completely odorless, tasteless and probably dissolves instantly in liquid. You will, however, leave it up there for months as a reminder of why you do not use them.