The last few weeks have been, to say the least, more challenging than usual.
I went on vacation, partly to have the luxury of actually having the total emotional meltdown my stress level has been stewing for months. Partly, it was to create some space to make a few decisions about the direction of my life.
For about three years, I made a decision to not do the whole “five year plan” thing–to simply be open to whatever opportunities came along, while exercising reasonably good judgment. It was a good idea at the time, and it has lead to some very good, unexpected places.
Things have changed recently. I’ve realized that when you try too hard to keep everything open-ended, you end up letting doors close behind you by accident, as opposed to choosing which ones to walk away from. Or you end up running in circles, and trying to keep all the doors open keeps you from actually going anywhere.
I’m the woman who always has a Plan B, C, D, and E–but in actual practice, all those plans usually amount to “stay flexible and roll with the unexpected.”
So I’ve realized that you can get tangled in your own parachutes. Trying to keep a half-dozen backup plans in play is exhausting. In fact, it’s probably at least as exhausting as making an exhaustive effort to achieve some actual goals.
In the end, trying to keep my options open was just my way of avoiding committing to a single dream. I was scared of that. After some particularly brutal reminders that life is full of unexpected derailments, the idea of pouring all my passion into a single plan seemed as ludicrously unrealistic as one of Wile E. Coyote’s blueprints.
But at least the Coyote knew what he wanted. That’s something I’d like to experience a little more of, myself.