Still a little whimsical in the brainpan

Today I have an appointment with a behavioral health specialist, to follow up after the panic attack that lasted over an hour and put me in the hospital more than a month ago. Evidently, this is the soonest they could work me in. Glad it wasn’t a heart condition, if that’s as fast as a specialist can see you these days. You’d all be like “Remember that chick who used to write those crazy steampunk fairytales? Yeah, she died. Super sad.”

My experience with behavioral health professionals has been fairly mixed over the years. The worst example, by far, was when I was hospitalized for depression in my early 20s. The military healthcare system, in their infinite wisdom, referred me to an off-base child psychiatrist whose grasp of English was… not great. Which made talk therapy a little problematic. Both times I agreed to go on medication, it didn’t go well. I rebounded for a few weeks, and then took a sharp turn for “way worse than before I started.”

Then again, I’ve had wonderful experiences with a combination of faith-based and traditional psychotherapy. So much so, I briefly considered going back to school to become a counselor.

My expectation is that the psychiatric NP will pat me on the head and instantly pull out a script pad. In which case, I’ll listen to what he has to say about my treatment about as well as he listens to me about my symptoms and condition.

I have some suspicions about the nature of my condition, though. And if the NP shows any signs of competence, I’d like to get a clear diagnosis finally. So we’ll see. Wish me luck.


  1. ·

    I do wish you luck. Therapy plus meds have made my life liveable. Sometimes barely, but at least that. HUGS


  2. ·

    I too have had varied mental health treatment experiences. I have yet to find a drug that consistently makes things better, and the majority make things worse, sometimes dramatically worse. Some talk therapy has helped, some meds have had better effect temporarily before the side effects became worse than the depression and/or anxiety they were treating. Right now, I have some clonazepem I take “as needed” to head off bad panics, but that leaves me sleepy/dopey and maybe other Dwarfs as well. Not necessarily Happy, but at least not Freaky. Is he a Dwarf? Hmm, maybe there were 8 to start with, and they just don’t talk about him.

    Anyway, I wish you the best with this specialist. I’m always around if you want someone to talk to. *hugs*

  3. Kat

    Thanks, Marian and Chris. The appointment went better than I expected, and I’ve got a treatment plan I feel comfortable with for now. I’m hopeful things are moving in a positive direction.


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