“She has a whole lot to say,” a friend recently said, describing my daughter Maddie.
This is a massive understatement. I know there is a meme that says that women have a daily “budget” of words spoken that far outstrips the men’s average. If this is so, I’m pretty sure Madeline blows right past her budget by, say, 9AM.
And just. keeps. going.
As I write this, I am up with yet another raging case of insomnia. I am frankly surprised it took this long, what with starting a new job and making some other big changes that I’m not quite ready to talk about yet, and having roughly 100 billion things on my mind right now.
And of course, I had about four different blog posts floating around in my head. Because I have a whole lot to say. I have a whole lot more to say than I’ve typically said here, and the reasons for that are many and varied.
- I have a whole lot to say about relationships–but a lot of it brings up parts of my past that are uncomfortable for others.
- I have a whole lot to say about juggling work and a personal life–but I didn’t share it much before because I figure nearly getting Dooced once is probably enough.
- I have a whole lot to say about faith–but a lot of fear that people often seem to have left their kindness in their other pants when they comment on faith-related posts.
- I have a lot to say about writing (mine and others’)–but I’d often rather just, well, write.
But I’m feeling a lot freer lately. It’s not about the job change, but the job change is a small part of it.
I think the best description is that I just got God-awful tired of trying to make everyone else happy and feeling like I was failing spectacularly at it.
One of the many negative side effects of trying to make everyone else happy is that it gives one’s blog a bad case of the vague and hypothetical. Which is like blog cancer, because blogging is all about the specific and real and actual.
So right now, I’m going to peck away at a few of those pesky blog posts, in the hopes that maybe if I get them out of my head and into WordPress, they’ll let me sleep.