Three weeks ago, I started blogging every weekday here, and commenting more often on blogs where I found interesting stories happening.
That change has already brought new connections with people, new readers, and a little recognition (which is always nice).
Two weeks ago, my husband and I started paying more attention to our finances.
That change has already brought increased peace and decreased anxiety, as well as some really amazing conversations between the two of us about what we value.
A week ago, I started paying more attention to what I eat, trying to eat out less often, and restarting my yoga practice.
It’s a little early to see the results of that change, other than it’s helping with the “paying attention to the finances” change that came before it.
Thursday, our family went back to our community group from church for the first time since summer.
Yesterday, I had coffee with a friend from that group before work.
But then again, I haven’t blogged here since last Thursday. I missed Friday and yesterday.
The big lesson I gained from 2009? That my life has a capacity. It has finite volume.
Only so many things will fit. I know this, because I hit my capacity last year. I may in fact have exceeded my life’s safe capacity last year.
Last year, I made a conscious decision to let things in that I ordinarily would have kept out. I let other things shape me, push me, expand the borders of who I thought I could be. I was a smaller me, this time last year (and not in the physical sense–in the personal growth sense). I know that I’m capable of a lot more than I ever, ever thought I could be.
But by December, I was like a stretched-out sweater that had seen one too many laundry cycles outside its recommended care instructions.
It wasn’t pretty.
By the end of the year, I was clearing out EVERYTHING. I emptied my office of personal stuff. I emptied my house of a lot of junk. I stopped getting together with even my closest group of girlfriends for a bit. I considered huge, “pick up the family and move to a better climate” life changes.
It was “FIRE SALE! EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!” time, baby.
And then, I spent a week just sitting in the empty. Enjoying the empty. Revelling in the empty. But empty gets boring–quickly.
So three weeks ago, I started blogging here again. Which takes us back to the beginning of this post.
I’m adding things back into the space that is my life. The only one I believe God is going to give me.
I’m doing this really intentionally. Things aren’t going back in just because they were in before.
I’m doing it really slowly. Because I don’t want to be three or four big things past capacity before I realize I’m past capacity this time.
It’s not a pace that is set by anything other than my own natural energy and enthusiasm, but it’s still different than what I’m used to doing.
When you’re burned out completely, you don’t need a recharge. In fact, you get to a point where you resent any attempts to recharge you just enough to keep doing what you’ve been doing. Because that’s not going to help matters.
You don’t need to “top off” your energy tank. You need to empty and refill with high-grade.
What’s “high grade” for you? And what needs to get siphoned out first?