Well, it’s official. I have a MySpace page now. It’s not going to replace this blog by any means, but I found out that half my family and friends were on there. I plan to use it more as a tool for keeping in touch with them than as a real blog.
Which leads me to another thought that’s been simmering in my brain for a couple of days. The idea of transparency and privacy. I think it’s a little ironic that a person who admittedly has a high need for privacy and “personal space” also has no problem posting about some things in my life that some people would consider very private or even TMI. There is, of course, an explanation and a reason for that.
As far as the “oversharing” goes, my attitude is, this is my personal website. This is one of the places (although by no means the only one) where I “work my s–t out” on paper (Okay, on screen. You get the idea.) And I get the benefit of sometimes hearing some valuable feedback from people whose opinions I respect. And heck, even if a total stranger replied, sometimes a total stranger can have a clearer view than the people close to you on some issues.
Plus, I know waaaaaaayyyyyyy too many people who walk around with a big fake smile plastered on their face, pretending everything in their lives is simple and neat and just dandy, even when it totally isn’t. And I don’t think they’re doing anybody any good by doing so. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to go unload my life story on everybody I meet right down to the checkout girl at Allen’s. But on my personal website, no, I don’t really feel compelled to do much self-censoring of the real issues in my life. How on earth would anybody else benefit or learn from them, or even be consoled that they are not the only person out there who doesn’t have it all together?
My life is not neat and simple and clean. It’s messy and complicated and intense. It’s a great life, I wouldn’t trade it for anyone else’s. But it’s not and never has been simple. I’m a messy, complicated, intense person who married a messy, complicated, intense person at the age of 18. I’ve done some really stupid things, and so has he. But we keep trying to work out our collective issues while doing minimal damage to each other and our beloved nibblets. It ain’t easy.
For some bizarre, unfathomable reason, people tell me I’m “wise” fairly often. I want to tell them I’m not wise, I’ve just made a ridiculous number of mistakes and made at least a passing attempt to learn from them. I don’t ever want to pretend to be I’m someone I’m not. It used to be mostly out of fear that I’d get found out. Now, it’s mostly because, messy and flawed and all, I like who I am.
And as far as the privacy thing goes, please tell me no one here is foolish enough to think I bare all my secrets here? Remember the iceberg, folks. All you see is the 10% above the surface. Sorta scary, ain’t it? 😉