I live in southern Indiana, but I work in Louisville, KY. I just found out that Louisville is the #1 City in America… for divorce.
So apparently, I work in the marital equivalent of Ground Zero. It probably should be depressing, and at some level it is, but it’s also strangely comforting.
It wasn’t just me. It wasn’t just us. Marriage is [insert your expletive of choice here] hard.
I picked up Love and War by John & Stasi Eldredge at our local public library a couple of weeks ago. I finished the first chapter. I didn’t get any further because there is still a large portion of my soul that says “Enough! Your brain is as full as it can possibly be of marriage advice!” every time I so much as look at yet another marriage book. But I was struck by one statement in that first chapter:
Marriage isn’t difficult; it’s impossible.
This weekend, we finally rented Date Night
and watched it, with Chris’ parents. It was outstandingly hilarious. Yet in the midst of an outrageously unrealistic adventure story were little bits and pieces of laser-accurate truth about marriage, and how hard it is, and the things that invariably chip away at your relationship.
I know a lot of couples whose marriages have survived infidelity. I’m convinced that infidelity is always a symptom–it’s never the disease that kills a marriage.
What kills marriage is that it’s impossible.
But that doesn’t make it a bad idea.
Let me reiterate this, because it’s a point that goes well beyond marriage. When we start ruling out the impossible, the scope of our lives gets exponentially smaller. Our souls get squished and cramped into a space they weren’t made to occupy.
Lots of the things we take for granted today, from the lightbulb to space travel, are the result of millions of people looking at something that was impossible and saying “What the hell. This could be epic. I’m trying anyway.”
So that’s going to be my attitude towards my marriage (and a lot of other things, for that matter), for the foreseeable future.
What the hell. This could be epic. I’m trying anyway.