“My mind cannot comprehend why you’d accept me as I am, but you say you’ve always had a plan, and that’s all I need to know…Â So when I am consumed by what the world will say, that’s when you’re speaking to me, as you remove my chains.”Â Ginnie Owens, Free
Stuff I’ve realized in the last week:
- Depression is anger turned inward.Â I think another sign of anger turned inward is a duodenal ulcer.Â Just saying.
- Holding onto anger can be a way of convincing yourself that you have some kind of Â control or power in a situation.Â But really, it’s just the illusion of control or power.Â Â Â People who care about your anger, care about your feelings and will listen and respond to your needs.Â People who don’t care about your feelings, don’t care about the fact that you’re angry with them.
- Keeping people at a distance is not a good way of creating balance in a relationship, although it can feel like it.Â You feel like, they have all this power, tipping the scales in their direction, so the only way to have balance is to hold them at arms length and lean back, like a windsurfer.Â Sometimes you genuinely do need some space to find your footing in a relationship, but to maintain that distant pose indefinitely starts to strain everyone after awhile, especially you.Â
- I owe a big, fat apology to all the people I’ve mocked over the years because they were looking for “closure” in regards to a personal issue of theirs.Â I’ve discovered that closure is not only a real thing (as opposed to just made-up pop psychology-speak,) it’s a real thing that sometimes really holds people hostage to their past.Â
Well, for those who are wondering, the HRH had a great birthday, all weekend long.Â We visited my Granny, and she had a great time with her second cousins (or third cousins, or second cousins once removed,Â I can never figure out those extended cousin things).Â She is now a mighty three year old princess of power.Â
Both Chris and I got the scales to budge to a tens place we had not seen in lo these many months of attempting weight loss.Â So, YAY on that front.Â (Yes, it was a different tens place for each of us; and no, I’m not saying what it is for EITHER of us.)
ChrisÂ found my outboard brain (i.e. “moleskine notebook”) after missing it for three days.Â So my brain is now fully restored.Â
And much healing has occurred over the last week.Â First, the HRH busted her eye on the corner of the coffee table on Tuesday, freaking out her Daddy completely, and resulting in two black eyes and a swollen nose.Â Wednesday, it looked really awful.Â Thursday it looked almost worse.Â It’s now starting to look progressively better, as of the weekend.Â
There was some healing that had to happen for her mommy, too.Â And I think we can sayÂ some big steps forward were made over almost the same timeframe.Â That’s obviously a lot more complicated tale, though, and probably not yet fit for public telling.Â