It’ll be okay. I keep telling myself that. With a little luck, and a few more antidepressants, I might just believe it, too.
Well, this weekend was the BIG WEEKEND for my family of origin. Every year since I can remember, they go to a big custom car show out of town, about a two hour drive away. It’s a three day weekend that starts immediately after work on Thursday.
TDO had never been to this car show. So Saturday morning after yoga class, he says “Hey, you wanna just drive out and check it out? Catch up to your family, hang out, whatever?” TDO and I love road trips. Any excuse is a good excuse for a road trip, as far as we’re concerned. The weather was nice, it was fairly early, so I thought it would be fun. “Call your sister’s cell and let them know we’re coming,” says TDO. And there began the problems.
I called Baby Sister’s cell, and was met with … less than an enthusiastic response, to say the least. In fact, you’d have thought I was offering to come out and give them all barium enemas, considering the level of enthusiasm. Whatever. I was road trippin’ with my honey. Woo hoo!
So we pack up the kids and hit the road. Which was great–right up until we got close to the city where the car show is. TDO is not sure which exit to take. So I call Baby Sister–who sounds even more peeved that I even bothered her, and hangs up on me after snapping the exit number at me. Fabulous.
So we get to the carshow, park a blue million miles out with the rest of the “spectators” and make our way back to the family. Who is short one Dad–who couldn’t be bothered to stay and say hi to us, and had headed back to the hotel. Hey, it was hot and muggy and midday, he had his new squeeze to entertain, whatever. The rest of the family makes goo goo eyes and passes around Queenie for maybe a half an hour before they pack up all their gear and go back to their own hotel. Without so much as a word about “Hey, you want to come with?” or even where the hell any of them are staying in case we wanted to catch up later. Hey, I’m a natural blonde, but even I could take a hint that obvious. And I’m ashamed to say, I even hinted around by asking where they were staying, and after ignoring me the first two times I asked, they finally coughed up the name of the place. Wow. Mighty big of you.
Let’s skip past the extremely quiet trip home. And the extremely quiet weekend that followed. Let’s really fast forward through the part where TDO drove me to the cemetery where I knelt over my mother’s grave weeping, and telling her I simply can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep putting my heart out there and getting it slapped back at me like a stray hockey puck. She can look after them better from where she is than I can where I am (which is clearly, on the outside looking in). None of them will let me get close enough to do it, anyway. I did what I could. I prayed for them. I sent them encouragements where and when it seemed appropriate. I tried to be an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on when they needed it and would allow it. And now apparently, I have once again outlived my usefulness.
I’m just pissed at myself for not taking the hint earlier. When my middle sis and her husband stopped calling to hang out. When they all planned a vacation together without letting us know that they were going till the last second. When they showed up for our vow renewal for a grand total of five minutes, didn’t say one freaking word to me for the most part, and left en masse, leaving me to explain to my friends that apparently, they ALL had something else to do that day…
Stick a fucking fork in me. I am SO done.