Getting my Sh..tuff together

Okay, dangit. If I don’t figure out this whole balance between order and chaos thing, I’m gonna go nuts. I tried putting myself on hyper-discipline lockdown, and I was about ready to go postal after about three weeks, BUT… I did get a lot done during those three weeks, and my life was quite peaceful (right up until I started biting everyone’s heads off at random.)

Inner child has been running my life in freeform mode for a week or so now, and that’s driving me equally nuts. I can’t find anything, I’m wasting a ton of time, and I feel lethargic and generally icky.

I gotta find something that works for me. The flylady program works great, except I’m a basket case two or three weeks into trying to follow it. I need my OWN system. Self discipline is not merely handing over the reins of your life to some organizational guru. It’s determining for yourself what your boundaries and routines need to be, and holding yourself accountable, motivating yourself with things that work well for you. I need tools, but I think I’m going to have to design them myself.

And I can’t escape the feeling that all this is connected. There is a connection here somewhere that I’m missing. The Jonny Bowden stuff comes to mind; although I must say, getting in shape has dropped RIGHT off my list of priorities for the time being. But what he said about nobody liking to feel like a set of rules is being imposed on them. What is it they call it in business? “Buy-in”? Where you make people think it’s actually their idea to do what you want them to do? How do I get “buy-in” from my own inner child, inner adult, and inner parent on a program to keep my life in order? I’m sick of being at war with myself.

Well, first, I have to assume they all have different agendas. Each aspect has different needs which the program is going to have to address.

Perhaps I should ask them what they want.

Okay, Momma Kat, what do you want to see in our life?

Parent talks in terms of “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts”
I should…
spend more time with TDO, Junior and Queenie
provide more clear discipline, boundaries, expectations and routines for Junior
keep the house neater and more organized, be less wasteful in terms of groceries and time
watch less television
spend more time with Granny and Papaw
be more productive and focused at work

Alrighty then, we’ve heard from Momma Kat. Now let’s hear from Kitten:

Child talks in terms of feelings and desires
I feel like…
everyone expects too much from me
there is too much to be done already, and yet Parent wants me to do more
nothing I do is ever going to be good enough anyway
it’s never going to be my turn to do what I want
I’m tired all the time and nobody wants to help me
I have to pretend to be social and outgoing too much, I never get to have time to myself

Okay, now we bring in Adult Kat to mediate:

Adult talks in terms of problem solving, facts and solutions:
Okay, I hear that there is a lot of time that is being spent in a way that is not satisfying for any of us. I hear that there is a lot of inner conflict. What we need to do is plan-in the most important things for all of us, and do it in a way that is affirming and not based in guilt or white-knuckling. We need to start making (and most importantly, keeping) promises to ourselves FIRST and then our loved ones.

Okay, either I’m certifiably nuts, or I’m making progress here…

4 Comments

  1. Day-by-Day
    ·

    Kat – let me know if I’m being intrusive here.

    I recently came across this in – of all places – an astological website (in my defense it was a link from a site dealing with Myers-Briggs, enneagram, and personality disorders!) I know you and I are both Scorpios:

    The Eagle and the Scorpion
    An important, though little known chapter in Scorpio lore is the placement of the Eagle in polarity to the Scorpion. Most Scorpios, if they dare be so revealing, would confess of an ongoing internal conflict between two distinct aspects of their nature. For individuals with a strong Scorpio influence, this may feel sometimes as a civil war of the self. This is not an abnormal psychological state. Here can be found the echoes of the earliest understandings of the Scorpio character.

    Scorpions are creatures which crawl along the ground, seeking out the hidden spaces. They are a mystery to humanity, shrouded in fear and misunderstanding. Left to their own, they are comfortable in the low lying realms of the world. If provoked, however, they will strike with a deadly vengeance. The Eagle soars. On great wings this ruler of the wind rises above earthbound limitations. From this lofty perspective, the Eagle sees a world others may never dream. The bird of prey also strikes a swift and deadly blow. Yet, unlike the Scorpion, the Eagle has the ability to soar beyond. Within the spirit of every Scorpio resides this dual nature.

    Reply
  2. ThatDarnKat
    ·

    No, no, I appreciate the input. Funny that horoscope bit–I’ve never heard that before about Scorps, the duality with the Eagle.

    Will check out the double bubble thing.

    Reply
  3. chaos finds a way
    ·

    Kat,

    Dont feel too bad. I have done alot but it seems like I am going in circles. I do one thing, 10 other things get neglected so then I have one heck of a mess. I dont know what is up with me. I do know 8w7 court chaos and for some odd reason I seem to thrive in it. Life isnt like that though so I have been desperately trying to get somewhere with all of this organization stuff.

    I have the household binder although right now its mostly used as a over glorified phone book hahaha. I gotta get into the grove of writing stuff down but so far I have at least 10 lists started that were never finished. I think what I really need (this might help you too) is a good LONG break to clear my head and be able to think clearly. I am a bit overwhelmed since hubbys been gone.

    I am not doing so hot with the Fly Lady stuff either, something always happens and I am not able to do whatever zone when they are doing it. I like the tips but I am like you, I cant just hand my life over to some organizing guru either.

    Reply

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