Okay, dangit. If I don’t figure out this whole balance between order and chaos thing, I’m gonna go nuts. I tried putting myself on hyper-discipline lockdown, and I was about ready to go postal after about three weeks, BUT… I did get a lot done during those three weeks, and my life was quite peaceful (right up until I started biting everyone’s heads off at random.)
Inner child has been running my life in freeform mode for a week or so now, and that’s driving me equally nuts. I can’t find anything, I’m wasting a ton of time, and I feel lethargic and generally icky.
I gotta find something that works for me. The flylady program works great, except I’m a basket case two or three weeks into trying to follow it. I need my OWN system. Self discipline is not merely handing over the reins of your life to some organizational guru. It’s determining for yourself what your boundaries and routines need to be, and holding yourself accountable, motivating yourself with things that work well for you. I need tools, but I think I’m going to have to design them myself.
And I can’t escape the feeling that all this is connected. There is a connection here somewhere that I’m missing. The Jonny Bowden stuff comes to mind; although I must say, getting in shape has dropped RIGHT off my list of priorities for the time being. But what he said about nobody liking to feel like a set of rules is being imposed on them. What is it they call it in business? “Buy-in”? Where you make people think it’s actually their idea to do what you want them to do? How do I get “buy-in” from my own inner child, inner adult, and inner parent on a program to keep my life in order? I’m sick of being at war with myself.
Well, first, I have to assume they all have different agendas. Each aspect has different needs which the program is going to have to address.
Perhaps I should ask them what they want.
Okay, Momma Kat, what do you want to see in our life?
Parent talks in terms of “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts”
spend more time with TDO, Junior and Queenie
provide more clear discipline, boundaries, expectations and routines for Junior
keep the house neater and more organized, be less wasteful in terms of groceries and time
watch less television
spend more time with Granny and Papaw
be more productive and focused at work
Alrighty then, we’ve heard from Momma Kat. Now let’s hear from Kitten:
Child talks in terms of feelings and desires
I feel like…
everyone expects too much from me
there is too much to be done already, and yet Parent wants me to do more
nothing I do is ever going to be good enough anyway
it’s never going to be my turn to do what I want
I’m tired all the time and nobody wants to help me
I have to pretend to be social and outgoing too much, I never get to have time to myself
Okay, now we bring in Adult Kat to mediate:
Adult talks in terms of problem solving, facts and solutions:
Okay, I hear that there is a lot of time that is being spent in a way that is not satisfying for any of us. I hear that there is a lot of inner conflict. What we need to do is plan-in the most important things for all of us, and do it in a way that is affirming and not based in guilt or white-knuckling. We need to start making (and most importantly, keeping) promises to ourselves FIRST and then our loved ones.
Okay, either I’m certifiably nuts, or I’m making progress here…