I swear, I could not make this up. Today, our county seat was in an uproar because of a bear sighting. In case you were wondering, scenic southern Indiana is not known for our black bear population. At least, not since the Civil War (the real one, not the Avenger’s movie.)
Chris and I have been enjoying ALONE on History Channel, but I can honestly say I did not expect to need Nicole’s advice on dealing with bears in your environment. But wait! The story gets even weirder.
They closed the municipal pool. Because nothing attracts black bears like a horde of screaming humans completely surrounded by a tall fence. I should probably not be that surprised. Let’s be honest: Corydon is basically Pawnee. How do you think Leslie Knope would react to a bear wandering around the Food ‘n Stuff? Not that it would matter, because Ron would most likely just shoot it and turn it into a rug…
Speaking of which… (because this story still isn’t weird enough), the county Animal Control Officer quit his job because of the bear. You may be thinking “Yeah, I can see that. You’re the dogcatcher for a town of 10,000 people. You didn’t sign up to deal with bears. Forget that.”
But, no. That wasn’t the problem. He quit because the conservation officers wouldn’t let him go shoot the bear. Because clearly, the person you want handling this situation is a rural dogcatcher with a history of rage-quitting jobs in local government. (He quit an administrative job with the sheriff’s department when they refused to give him a police vehicle. Because he wasn’t a police officer.)
And you thought small town life was boring.
P.S. – The post title is based on “the most famous stage direction in history” from Shakespeare’s A Winter’s Tale. What’s playing tomorrow as part of Kentucky Shakespeare Festival? A Winter’s Tale.
Well played, Kentucky Shakespeare. Well played. <slow clap>