I’m a little addled lately. Well, more addled than usual.
Any trekkers out there? Jedi? Other fans of sci-fi? You know how they’re always traveling through space in some sort of vessel, and the vessel invariably takes some battle damage? And the always-underappreciated engineers (who you have to love, because they are the space-travel equivalent of IT guys) have to “take down all non-essential functions” or else life support and all the “essential” functions might crash? Remember how, when they start trying to bring those “non-essential” functions back online, invariably things get a little buggy overall? Lights flashing on and off, sirens, unexpected stuff?
Well, that’s basically what’s going on with me right now. I think it’s safe to say my vessel has taken on some battle damage in the last six years. Seriously. And now, we’re going through the “trying to bring those functions we shut down earlier back online” phase. Things are a little buggy, overall.
But little by little, things are moving towards something that could be considered normal. Or as close to “fully functional” as inherently dysfunctional people get. Don’t get me wrong–I’ll always be a little neurotic. I’m a writer, and I think it’s actually a job requirement that we be somewhat neurotic.
I’m finding myself caring about stuff that I couldn’t really bring myself to get fired up about before. Probably a good thing, on the whole. And I’m finding myself wanting to take up some old creative outlets again that I really haven’t touched in years. I’m also finding that some things that I had obsessed about a lot in recent years are receding. I think they mostly served as a distraction, and distraction is a kind of anesthesia for emotional pain, and I guess I don’t need that much drama and distraction now.
Things are a little buggy overall.
You know how when you go to do a really thorough housecleaning, like, for real cleaning, you invariably find a lot of nasty crud you really would have felt better not knowing was even there? But now you know it’s there, and you have a choice to either clean it up or put the sofa back and pretend you never saw it. Well, I’m experiencing a lot of that, too. Literally and spiritually–I’m actually trying to go back to my FlyLady routines and get the house cleaned up for fall. It’s not altogether pleasant, until it’s completed, and then, of course, you feel ten pounds lighter knowing the yuck is no longer there. Trying also to not rush anything and not kill myself trying to meet some meaningless self-imposed deadline. Progress, not perfection, as our 12-stepping brothers and sisters would say.
Things are a little buggy, overall.
I fell up the stairs on my way in to work today. Apparently spiritual renewal plays havok with one’s already-sketchy hand-eye coordination. I also nearly fell of a chair while talking with someone.
Hopefully, the bugs will get worked out, in due time.